Can't stay away...

Kids have dreams.
Kids with similar dreams connect.
Even if nothing is what they have in common.

Ive had dreams.
Goals, intentions, motives, etc.
Ive achieved most of them.
Im closer to The Grammy than initially thought.

What i want to do now is sorta close to what Ive always wanted to do growing up.
Just more open minded.

Obviously, I want to find a woman.
Then make a lot of money.
Then move her in.
Then... binge on James Brown while on heroin.

Something tells me this is the recipe for a woman beater.
Well, i can fight the urge.
Ive been dealing with combative spirits sonce forever.
But no.
JB's music might fuel an uprising.

Here comes the heroin.

Two albums of mine that embody this wish are... fuck... looking back, too much to even talk about.

I'll discuss them in another post.

As I've explained, im fully in Villain. mode.
Love is no longer primary.
The Path of The Scorpion has been defined and is being treaded upon.
Should romance come my way, i am completely unprepared and can guarantee the me from day one will be the me in the end.

Understand from the last sentence that my optimism of a love everlasting is... gone.

Im still working on a project that takes time.
What were the other qualms?

Oh.
I stay on topic.
Im just not talking about you or what you want to hear.

You'll see.

-so mote it be

Another hiatus

Hope you're keeping count.

I'm gonna focus all my energy on one concentrated project, then go on a MUCH deserved break.

Hot Goth Summer.

do not try this at home.

-so mote it be

Where have you been? Where have you gone?

"The Prodigal Daughter" is my new all-time favorite CH song.
It's pretty much why I do it.
Anything i do.

I just want you to see me as cool.
YOU!
The prodigal daughter.

The hourglass broke.
The slight hope I had in serendipitous love is fading.
As the sands escape the glass, i am reminded of what could've been.
Two times over.
What i can say for myself is, i am kind, generous and loving.

I also am deeply and passionately in love with 6.
6 is deciding to keep its distance.
With me giving all my affection to 6, all i have left is rage.
My rage can he felt in my music.
I channel my rage through TWA (Tarot, Wicca, Alchemy).

No one wants me to do it.

It is the only thing that makes me happy and feel good.

2 romantic situations have been thwarted because of the fear of TheDarkArts.

If love should evade me one more time, there is no stopping the mystical abyss I shall dive into.

I mean it!

But nothing is gonna keep me from my daughter.
I dont know where she is.
I can feel her.

Daddy loves you, MorrowMorrow.

Danjer, dont you even start.

Crazh, eat candy corn. Lmao

But yes.

Tomorrow Trouble Hamilton.

I love you now, I love you forever.

Before I close this entry, I have to say...

6, i have no choice but to let you come and go as you please.
Please be considerate.
It's always love.

-so mote it be

Missing cues

I may have made enough to get a new turntable deck!
I was in a deep depression because I thought I made ZERO dollars in streaming.
But I made a little bread.
And the turntable deck of my dreams in near my grasp.

I went stupid yesterday and made a mix.
Somehow I'm gonna upload it so you can hear it.
I scratch with my laptop.
I/you have never seen it done.
The technique was first debuted at Corpy's house.
I was spinning a few of his house parties.
Considering how ignorant his circle is, they showed a young brother love.

Like... I've been living and breathing turntablizms.
Almost how I've overdosed on pianoforte.
I hope that means pianoizms.
Whatever.
All I think about is spinning.

I'm of the mind to believe, despite what I know, that I was dropped from Interscooe because of my insecurity.
I am very insecure.
It comes from many places.

I just feel like sharing this...

My beats from one folder were for Dilla to sample and make beats for Beyonce (Silver) to make songs about being Silver to.

Shadow would engineer.

I was totally a geek about those 3.

Now I view things professionally.

Doesnt mean I dont adore them.
It's just best for my mental health that I keep a safe and secure distance.
My insecurity could bring them down.
My anger is better when verbalized than carried out.
Which means my mouth would get me and them in trouble that my hands cant get us out of.

Last thing I want is to mouth off about humans and have a potential SEGAlien invasion.

Lo and behold, ya know?

And even if I proved it and we took over, I feel like the war vet in Independence Day.
In a time warp, believing aliens are against me.

I don't even want to talk about love right now.

😥

I will say this:

Every now and then, even prostitutes cry about how much they've shared their body.

This entry is actually a Charles Hamilton song.

Just Charles

3/17/2020

All streaming services. 

-so mote it be

Drinking To An Early Grave (a freewrite)

I have been coughing a lot.
My nose runs often.
Symptoms of doom in modern times.
But the illness...
...the sickness...
...doesn't stop there.

My eyes keep watering.
My body prevents me from crying.
But, inexplicably, my eyes water at a heavy and fast rate.
Like I'm crying.

If there's a Monie in the middle of this Corona bottle, I will drink till I'm sick of that bitch.

Alas, I have been coughing a lot.
My nose runs often.
Symptoms of doom in modern times.

But the illness...
...the sickness...
...doesn't stop there.

If I die, it's from love sickness.
No.
A broken heart.
No.
Self-neglect.

I can blame conservatives, terrorists and vigilantes.
You can blame me for them being prominent in modern times.

We have to take care of one another.
A reverse Purge.
Care for the poor man.
Compliment the fly nigga.
Avoid eye contact with the model.
Find beauty in the fledgling.
Treat the kid like they're 22.
Embrace the elder like a tween.
Fetch for the dog.
Leave the cat alone.

Love powers force.
Passion fuels love.
Fuel loves passion.

The Unfortunate:

All three run dry.

Replenish your heart.
Set free your soul.
Expand your mind.
Extend your hand.

Paranoia may amplify my illness.
I could be sicker than my very death.

Love is every cure.
Love is finding cures.

What is medicine to a junkie?
What is a junkie to a habit?
What is a habit to a standard?

Do standards sit?
Is sitting down too stable?

Many questions.

I just coughed for the first time in 10 minutes.
Now i cant stop coughing.

Corona's grace heightens horror.
The offspring of security and certainty is carefree.

I was always too scared to wish I would die.
Fuck you. I'll kill me.

But...
And...
Yet...

-so mote it be

Junkie fits!

I was gonna Tweet this, but twiggas swear I smoke crack.
I don't want to be a cyber Rumsfeld, so I'll just blog it.

I'm thinking of recording a sequel to Coke Whore habits. in the near future.

Coke Whore habits.

The way you're reading it is EXACTLY how it is to be written and read.

I capitalize the C and W in coke whore to boost the morale and self-esteem of people who are struggling with a coke (which is crack) addiction.
"Habit" is a word that comes with a negative connotation, so I left it lowercase.
The period is meant to tastefully acknowledge transgender beings.
We can talk science all day, but only heartbreak makes someone avoid traditional (heterosexual) romance.

Junkie fits! (if recorded) will be based on ONE heroin injection, in the arm of an 8-year old Black kid who goes to a Charter school.
Every hood everywhere hosts hard drugs.
Not every kid makes it out.
Vaccines contain heroin.
You are required to get vaccinated to even get in school.
Then there's opium in the school food and LSD in the water.

I went to PS 125.

Moving on.

Curtis Mayfield, aka ThePrideOfTheNegro, brought a sense of wonder to the lives of heroin addicts.
Especially with "Freddie's Dead".
The opinion Negros have of Black heroin addicts is as demeaning (disrespectful) as the acts an addict would carry out to get their drug of choice.

Heroin is actually pure.
Fentanyl is not.
Heroin is grown in Africa.
Opium is between Africa and Asia.
Opium was used to numb Asians to governmental issues, including invasions and ethnic cleansing (Coronavirus, AIDS, Cancer, etc.).
Fentanyl is a synthetic heroin, with a generic opiate being multiplied and cut with household cleaning agents.

Be not told different.

Because of where I'm at creatively, I'm not sure if I'll work on it any time soon.
And it's a Charles Hamilton album, not C. Hamilton.
My state of mind is different in this creative realmspacestateofmind.

A fit is White slang.
A temper tantrum.
It is meant to belittle the act of what someone is doing, in an attempt to get them to stop once they see how pointless it is.

Have you ever listened to a junkie throw a fit?

-so mote it be

AwkwardArt exclusive

Very excited about this project.
EXTREMELY excited about the cover art.

I do plan on going for the homer with the bases loaded with my artwork.
I'll be normal for those who need it (somewhat).
Like... as direct as my music is, I can get blunt.

I don't want to write this blog entry.

My music is dark.
I find humor in my reply to my Wes Craven life.

I make Horrorcore Hip-Hop.
Been fighting the feeling for years.

I started walking in this path around 2007 with "The Zone" and "The Starlight Zone".
I would've been okay if the vibe at Interscope wasn't so smily, happy people and I didn't see how vulnerable our youth and generations to come are/were.
I am honestly on a steady path to Hell.
I want to, try and tried to lead you to the light.
I know .... aight...

...to lead you to The Light.

I gave you the tools to elevate.

I get down.
I am down.

This album is opening the portal to the space under my loft bed in Harlem.
Dark, cold, quiet, next to my mother's trunk and the greatest acoustics in life.

You shouldn't have turned your back on me for Odd Future.
Shit, you should've sat your monkey ass there when Drake shook his stankin' ass for you.
Future, Ross and French are on my tab.
I got them.
But you made a promise to me.
You said you were gonna hear you out.

I made a promise to you.
I will give you my all.

Where have you gone?

(listens, only to hear an ominous echo of giddy, impressionable kids who hagte going to Sunday School)

It's okay.
I'm finding myself.

Now.

As far as my kinfolk

My Elite

My Big Brothers

My luwl bruvis

My fellow 6z.

I am too afraid to get you indicted, so I hereby apologize for saying, typing and repeating your given name(s).
I am sorry for not being as tough as you guys.
I ask that you forgive me for believing I'm better.
Yancey has me closing my MacBook every few days.
Massa has me not speaking every other day.
Splash has me sitting up correctly in my chair.

I really fucked up, guys.
I just wanted to be as good as you.

And now there's newcomers.
I deal with the checkered history every day, hoping there won't be another asshole-turned-ally that's gonna pop up at any SEGilian point in time.
I owe NewYork (NataSmin) an apology.
Because I definitely used to watch Exploited Black Teens and have nothing but ill desires about them when... observing.

The above being said...

I am staying out of your way.
Call it insecurity, inferiority, whatever.

Please don't casually walk into my life and smoothly walk away.
I made room for you in my already sheltered life.
I can't keep unfollowing Dil and getting no response from GM's DM.
I can't keep telling Jack.
I can't keep sucking up To The Talisman like I'm not Jafar himself.

[hint]

You guys mean so much to me, I'll kill you.

I'll kill you dead.

The above being said...

I can never hurt you guys.
Or SEGA in general.
So y'all walking away would paralyze me.

And ... I just caused a contusion in myself trying to think about whatever retaliation I'd try to inflict.

I did say on a song, "Pardon the kisses, 6z. Yes, I been dissin, 'cause y'all niggas missin'. So if you feel a jab in your tooth, it's because you ACTUALLY had to fly the coup... BITCH... es..."

So I'm sure whatever mortal manifestation of yourself will respond.

I just wanna love you guys, guys.

Why am I the punk?

(genocidal thought sashays past the right part of the front of my brain, and I block a grin)

I am dangerously in love with the pantheon of SEGA.

I've been talking to ToeJam and Earl on Twitter.
They're cool.
I'm just rather (understated) Emo and they are DEAD Funky.

Not the aroma.

I'm sure they have New Cartridge Smell.

I am facing a breakdown and the temptation of self-harm.
I am blogging instead of dooinit.

This is growth.

But yeah.
The artwork.

I'm gonna start going bapeshit.

No one mention Simone to me for about 3 days.
I'll try to avoid Zamata.

Rihanna has a dancehall album coming out.





i kinda would like a girlfriend, but that's neither here nor there.
i'm bad with women and relationships.
music is the only love.
i'm too insecure to fuck the shit out of a girl and NOT ask her how it was.
if you're too pretty, i either avoid you at all costs or approach flirting with you like a suicide attempt.

so there's that.






My paternal instincts kicked in.
The Treacherous Three need their DJ.
Their manager is from another headspace.
I can't quit the tour now.

Daddy loves you.
I'm just used to being by myself.





MF DOOM started the Coronavirus.
Ask 9th Wonder.
We are in the middle of Sonic Warfare.
J Dilla is Commander-In-Chief.
Dr. Dre is Secretary of Defense.

Get in before we pull off.

zounds.

-so mote it be

ImportantImportantImportantImportant

On streaming services, if you search Charles Hamilton, you'll find a few classics and some modern CH music.
As of March 24th, start searching for C. Hamilton for all new CH music.
This music is not from a gentleman's POV.
This music is not for the faint of heart.
The sound reflects the content, while lambasting those who lambast it.

#GothicRZA

Almost gangsta.
Far from Punk.

Vampire Music/Nu-Hop
Lithium Soul
SUPERTrance

Requires more than one listen.

Bump in either headphones or big speakers.

The dirtier, the more refined.

My response to everything from the last 12 years.

I am very proud of this music.

Just Charles
March 17th, 2020
ALL streaming services.

I'll post a link when it's go time.

Taking a slight break to refuel and reload.
See you around.

-so mote it be